I met a shadow aspect of my child-self today. She had a great knowing about her, but her image was completely worn and threadbare. I could tell this child was so tired of leading me through this life and it was time for me to let her go.

My childhood was very traumatic and extremely challenging. I survived on my wits, my intuition, and my sensitivities. I recognized these achievements and credited her with the valuable purpose she served by keeping me alive during all the times I would have, could have, and certainly should have died.

I hugged her tight and asked to let her go. Imagine my surprise when this facilitated her transformation instead. No longer patchy and full of holes, she became a lighter, brighter shadow version of herself.

Confused, I asked my inner healer on why I still needed her. Wasn't the purpose of all this spiritual work was to become as close to pure light as possible? To be 'shadowless?'

He laughed at this and said, "This is a false ideal that has been created. In the human existence, you can never be without shadow. Light does not exist without dark. Balance is the key.

“If you feed the light it will naturally overcome the dark, but the dark will never truly be gone. With the dark shadow comes experience. Wisdom. Knowing.

“With practice, you can manage it to heed the warnings and lessons it brings without suffering the effects or letting it take control."

We have this propensity 'keep it together' for the betterment of group, or to act like we don't care when life hurts us. This stalemate of emotional and psychological separation seems to work to our benefit for a while, but old walls will always crumble. No matter how hard we try to patch our holes and pretend that nothing is wrong, that old tower still erodes under the false facade we've built around it.

Our society puts so much emphasis on wearing a brave face and keeping a brave heart. My sister used to tell me, "Jamie, don't you ever let them see you cry. You can't let them win that from you." I never understood that though. Who keeps tears as a prize? What good is it to be devoid of emotion? Who am I really helping here? If someone left a mark in my heart, they shouldn't get the satisfaction of walking away without seeing it in its purest form.

If you've been feeling the need to crumble too, don't hold back. If your own fortress of power can no longer bear the weight of this burden, let it go. It will fall to ashes and it will hurt like hell, but as you grieve your tears will turn the dust to mortar and you can rebuild from that.

Don't feel weak for being a human and having human emotions. That's what all of this is about. Sometimes we need to breakdown to breakthrough.

Wishing you happiness in wholeness today and everyday.
-Jamie Homeister